Tuesday, March 29, 2011

April Fools?

So here is the weather Forecast for Friday:

And I'm going to go a step further and show you exactly what they're saying about this pretty little picture:

Friday: Snow starts early - before 5am - becoming heavy with near white-outs by lunch. Rain/snow line AT THIS POINT - is along RT. 3. South and east of there it's rain, north and west, it's snow. Storm wraps up by 9-10pm Friday night. Some power outages likely.

Really power outages?  Do you know my friend Lewis Black?  You know when Lewis swears and points his fingers and gets all F'ing this and F'ing that?  That's about where I'm at with this snow shit - ENOUGH ALREADY!

Here's a little poem I'd like to share - a little long but it tells the story so well!

Massachusetts Snow Diary

AUG. 1

Moved to our new home in Massachusetts. It is so beautiful here. The city is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered with snow. I LOVE IT HERE

OCT. 14

New England is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I LOVE IT HERE.

NOV. 11

Deer season will open soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquillity. Hope it will snow soon. I LOVE IT HERE.

DEC. 2

It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looked like a postcard. Went outside and cleaned snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight today (I won). When the snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I LOVE IT HERE.

DEC. 12

More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again that rascal). A winter wonderland. I LOVE IT HERE.

DEC. 19

Snowed again last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I'm exhausted from shoveling. Fucking Snowplow!
DEC. 22

More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I'm done shoveling. That Asshole!

DEC. 25

"White Christmas" my busted ass. More fucking snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I will castrate the dumb bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on this fucking ice.

DEC. 28

More of the same shit last night. Been inside since Christmas day except for when "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere. The car is buried in a mountain of white shit. The weatherman says expect another 10 inches of this shit tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

JAN. 1

Happy Fucking New Year. The weatherman was wrong (AGAIN). We got 34 fucking inches of snow this time. At this rate it won't melt until the 4th of July. The snowplow got stuck down the road and shit for brains had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I broke 6 shovels already, shoveling out the shit he plowed into my driveway. I broke the 7th shovel over his fucking head.

JAN. 4

Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a deer ran out in front of the car and I hit the fucker. Did about $3,000.00 damage to the car. Wish the hunters would have killed them all last November.


Took the car to the garage in town today. Would you believe the body is rotting away from all the fucking salt they keep dumping all over the roads. It really looks like a piece of shit.

MAY 10

Moved to North Carolina today. I can't imagine why anyone in their right fucking mind would want to live in the God forsaken State of Massachusetts.

AND this my friends sums it all up - perfectly!


  1. Couldn't you move to Denver instead of NC?!!

  2. WHAT? S N O W? I'm not coming home until July. Cannot stand a day without sunshine anymore...and there must be lots of flowers in a variety of colors. There must be a pox on the state of MA and the snow bunny has put a hex on us all. I'm staying here in CA where all the beautiful people are anyway and everyone smiles at you.
    Love, Your Mother xoxo

  3. Dear Mother - please do us all a favor - sell the house in Mass and buy a new one in Cali so we can come visit you and get out of this God foresaken state of SNOW! P L E A S E!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. I offered your sister a place to stay here in Austin. There is room for you, as well. We'll sit on my patio and drink sangria as we watch the birds building nests in the backyard, where is a soothing 80 degrees.

    But the offer is only good till next week, when I start my drive to DC. Where it is currently spitting snow, too. Dammit.

  5. If I never see another snowflake it will be too soon.