Thursday, January 5, 2012

You gotta read this!

Ms.Bee was thumbing through Craigslist today, searching for that all perfect part time job because as you know, Ms.Bee told her boss to shove it right before Christmas - when she came upon an ad for a House Hold Assistant - now before you laugh and say "Oh I don't want to read that boring stuff" - Trust me - read it - it's a howl and a half - made me laugh out loud - and I was so amused by it that I actually responded to the "young single retired entrepreneur father" and asked him if he was high!  Then preceded to tell him his ad was actually comical!

By the way - don't you love the "Lifestyle assistant" description? I could not make this shit up if I tried!

I think the guy should probably adjust the job description to "MOMMY"  The other thing I am wondering about is the pay - it says 15-20K/hr - IF this job pays 15 to 20 K an hour I'm applying!

Household Assistant (Concord, MA)

Errors when replying to ads?]

Household and Lifestyle Assistant

Estimated time: 20-25 hours/week

We would love to make the house a home, eat healthy meals, and dress well. We would love someone to help us when we're sick. We would love to have someone who can help us make this happen.
We are natural minded family consisting of two very young children and a young single retired entrepreneur father. Though we spend a lot of time together the children sleep at their mother's, which is close by. We are pretty simple and fun. We have a 300 year old colonial house that is about 2,500 square feet that we keep clean. We eat healthy and vegetarian. We have two golden retrievers. While we could hire many people to do each of these following separates tasks, we do not want the responsibility of coordinating multiple people. We are pretty liberal when it comes to spending.

You will do well if you have a strong desire to serve and care for others, and also have a lot of fun with the aesthetic side of life such as fashion, decorating, and cooking.

Household Maintenance
You must take care of the home and maintain it at the highest level. This is from the big picture touches that make the house a home to the details of day to day pick up and cleaning. We would like the house to be decorated so that it is very comfortable and has a natural and open feel. This includes choosing furniture, paint colors, window treatments, photos, and other home touches. We would like the house kept thoroughly clean, from the radiators, to under the furniture, and to the windows. We would like the house always picked up and neat. Since we do not use most of the rooms, this should be relatively easy, probably including a pickup once in the morning such as making the bed and emptying the dishwasher, and in the evening after the kids have left.

We also want someone who can be proactive about pruning unused items in the house and organizing. We like to live simply and this often means getting rid of things and simplifying.

Estimated time: 7 hours/week

Do you enjoy cooking? We are a vegetarian low-fat household and a key to living this way is having great food. We would like a snack plate of fresh fruits and vegetables in the morning at around 10:00 AM, lunch at noon, another snack plate in the afternoon around 2:00 PM, and dinner. Preparing things in advance would be okay as long as they are easily served. For example, snacks might be prepared the day before and left in the refrigerator. We would like a menu prepared for the week on the Friday preceding. We have plenty of great recipes; we just need you to select them and prepare them.
We love surprises and special treats.
Estimated Time: 7 hours/week

Are you good with fashion? We would like someone who has a strong sense of style and cares about appearance. For the children this includes making sure they always have the clothes they need such as shoes, hats, scarves, and coats. The children should look good and fashionable for their age, including hair and nail care. For the father the same things generally apply and we would like to make sure he is always very nicely dressed, the clothes are stylish, and appropriate for a single retired entrepreneur.
In addition to appearance, we also want someone who knows how to have fun and can discovering fun social activities for the children and/or the father. We especially want to find activities that help everyone socialize.
Estimated Time: 1 hour/week

Sick Care
We also would like someone who can provide caring support when any of us is sick. We want you to proactive and think of things like special meals.

  • Location: Concord, MA
  • Compensation: 15-20K/hr
  • This is a part-time job.
  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • Please, no phone calls about this job!
  • Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas!

Ms.Bee would like to wish her peeps a Merry Christmas or Happy Channakah or whatever holiday you choose to celebrate!

May you all have the good fortune to be with family who loves you, have good food in your plate, good cheer in your glass! 


Monday, December 19, 2011

Merry Christmas to me?

Ms.Bee cannot stop laughing!  Today Ms.Bee received a gift bag (that was clearly reused a few times) of goodies from the Boss!  Ms.Bee is bursting with excitement and cannot wait to show you the LOOT! 

First we shall start off with the card!  Nothing says the boss appreciates all your hard work like "Best Wishes for 2012!"

And NOTHING says I want you on board like these fine gifts!  Soap - I actually got 2 boxes and left on in the car after is fell off the seat going around a corner - man the SHIT stinks!  Pepe LePEW smells better!  Do you think maybe she could have sprung for just a Crabtree and Evelyn?  NOPE - I would love to know where she picked this CRAP up!

And hey check out those Frosty The Snowman earrings huh?  Snazzy don't you think?  Or as my kids say, those snizzle!  Yup - I think I'll sport those things on the next Chevy Chase Christmas Vacation movie!  These were BIG bucks!

Even The Man's Man said "it's time to go" - and he was a little taken aback by the lack of effort here...............Don't get me wrong - I always appreciate a gift no matter the cash value - some of the best gifts I have ever received were small but meant something because of who they came from - but this is just laughable - I was going to say insulting but it's too laughable to be insulting! 

Note to self - "Don't bother giving boss a box of shit for Christmas" - she is already full of it!

Merry Christmas Boss - and all the best to YOU in 2012!  I think a new assistant is on top of the list!

This is an emergency broadcast....

Ms.Bee would like to interrupt your daily activity to warn you that she will be posting some pictures of her Christmas presents from the crazy looney boss! And you won't believe what loot she got! Stay tuned!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Random observations from the 'burbs!

Well it's certainly been a LONG time since Ms.Bee posted!  Wow - time flies when you are NOT having fun!

Thanksgiving went off without a hitch!  We had no broken refrigerators (like we had last Christmas) - and nobody was vomiting on the side while some of us ate!  All in all it was a great day to spend with family and we all thanked GOD for food and booze! 

I saw a man yesterday flossing his teeth in the car.............GROSS...........

I am tired of saying Happy Holidays!  Merry Christmas - Happy Hanukkah - or Happy Kwanzaa - whatever it is you celebrate - Happy happy - can we just call it what it is?

Junior and I spent the day at a State University looking around - it was good - Junior liked it, I liked it and we put that on the "list"!

Ms.Bee learned this week that some other "full time" employees in her office got Christmas bonus's - however she did not receive one!  While the boss happily played Santa on the phone with her other 2 employees telling them they could expect their bonus's in the mail - Ms.Bee sat by and smiled brightly and when she received the the invite to said Boss's Christmas soiree' via Post It note with "Bridget" wrote on it sitting in her pile of "to do" things - She thought "ain't no way Ain't Ms.Beehaven will be attending BEE'Otch" - as a matter of fact - I didn't even acknowledge that I received it or saw it! I think Ms.Bee is not cut out to work for woman (bee'otches) - however I do think this one has a little personality issue that is interfering in her everyday life (IE - the life that she doesn't have) - so I'm looking the other way and looking to move on - I don't need psycho BEE'Otch trying to play head games by telling me how wonderful her last TEMP was who couldn't put a letter together with correct spelling - but he was a 30 year old guy who fawned all over her and I think she misses that attention..........he didn't last 90 days at his "new" job either - now he's selling granola bars!  And I am not kidding!  Said Boss thinks it's wonderful!  "Look at these bars - aren't the wonderful - and every bar he sells feeds a child in Africa" - GREAT - how about you KISS MY ASS!  Ok - I'm done! Ms.Bee predicts a new job in the New Year!

The house is decorated..............The Man's Man got a new Ford "Tough" pickup for Christmas and I am sitting by the pellet stove alone - Life is Good!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Thanksgiving questionaire

Greetings - from the Abyss!  While Ms.Bee is home pondering Thanksgiving menus and what time to leave for the next hockey gig - The Man's Man is here:

Carton House - Outside of Dublin Ireland

He is busy pondering which course to play tomorrow! 

A friend has suggested he play O'Meara because Mongomerie looks like Mrs.Doubtfire he says!

Ms. Bee is pondering the Thanksgiving menu because that is what she does.........she writes it - then crosses things out, then rewrites it, then looks at more recipes.........decisions long as there is wine and booze we will survive!

Ms.Bee is wondering a few things:

Do you eat turkey for Christmas as well?

What is your favorite side dish with turkey?

Do you eat in the afternoon or evening?

Do you have a specific tradition on Thanksgiving?

I will tell you that my favorite side dish is Spinach souffle' - it's an absolute must have for me and my sista too!  We eat it for breakfast the next day and the next until it's gone! 

We DO NOT eat turkey on Christmas, my Dad was never a big fan of turkey in his younger days so Mom always had roast beef on Christmas................which is my personal favorite...........I think each holiday should have it's own unique menu!  My Italian inlaws always had lasanga - I love pasta but I love beef more - so beef wins out!

We eat mid-afternoon - usually around 3:00PM - after we have hor'derves and drinks!

We do not have a specific tradition on Thanksgiving - except to always give thanks - for what we have - and to be together...........which is a blessing.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

This is a CRUEL JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I will tell you I am in the 6-10 area - this SUCKS!